Need to work harder

I don't want to cry because of my stupidity.
I don't want to see the frown and stress on senior's face when he reviewed my works.
I don't want people to say "ur working paper is messy, ur documentation is bad, ur tickmars & fonts is ugly, ur are so slow etc" again.
I am already trying as hard as I can, but I guess it is still not enough.
I guess it is not enough to be "at my best", if my best is still good enough to them.
Time to work harder so that I will have some breakthroughs.

Need some encouragement

What should you do when you feel sad, depreseed, emo about not good enough to do almost everything?
I need some encouragement.

这种感觉,叫沮丧

每一次,在这一行都会让我觉得自己很笨. 不管是 internship 还是permanent job. 然后总是自己觉得很沮丧.


以前在实习的时候,我总会问senior, 你们怎么这么厉害,怎么能懂这么多东西

因为那时候,我用我小小的脑袋,有很多很多的东西是怎么想都想不到的

我一直很羡慕他门的聪明,也一直希望自己可以象他们一样.

Senior 总会安慰我说,你做久了也会象我们一样的.我还是用自己小小的脑袋质疑着

以前读书,只需要用功.通常只要牺牲诱惑,比别人用功一些,成绩都会不错.

以前的我,真的觉得一分耕耘,一分收获,只要愿意努力,没有做不到的事.

可是做了internship, 我才明白,可能有些东西真的是勉强不来.

往往在我觉得这一行可以让我学到很多东西而很喜欢它的时候,我总因为自己的笨而觉得自己不适合这一行.

两次的实习,一次比一次见到厉害的人多. 这次很侥幸的进到新加坡的big four,看到的每一个都是那种天生聪明的人,更是有种不可言喻的崇拜和沮丧.

有时真的做到很象放弃,就跟自己说自己真的没有他们那么厉害,做不了这份工作,可是心里的另一个声音却很希望自己是做得到的.

就这样,早回的一天,心里却挂着做不完的工作. 只希望,这次也和以前一样,比别人努力一些些,自己也能跟上他们的脚步.只希望跟上他们的脚步,就这样而已.

First weekend in SG

This is the first weekend that I stayed in SG, for no real purpose. haha.
Last time I stayed once because of Amazing Race and A1s outings.
This time, is due to .... no passport. haha.
k le I am going to Indonesia, specifically north Sumatra, Medan from 20 Dec to 6 Jan.
Thats why my passport is with Indonesia Embassy, in the process of applying visa.
Today I slept until 9am, woke up, watch gossip girls until 2pm.
Had lunch, visited KIEN GIAP at 4pm.
yea I visited Kien Giap. wahhahaha.
it is my honour to be in Singapore and managed to find an old friend in here!
Some more he stays super near to me, walking distance, 1km, around 10 to 15 minutes walk.
Great to see him, and seeing him makes me realise I do miss a lot of people!
Anyway, I heard cheng mun teng is going to come to singapore with her friends.
Loo Yu Xun is going to come with xue hui and her family!
And they din tell me ==
Hope everyone is having fun and I can see them when they are here!
finish updatinggggg.

4th month

This is the beginning of 4th mth of my work life.
Time flies isnt it?
I am still trying to catch up with their pace.
It is a bit difficult but I am trying to take one step at a time, at the same time trying my  best to give what are required from me.
There were stresses, satisfactions and fulfillment in this job.
Sometime the stress will just make you wonder whether you are suitable to the job
But sometimes the things that it exposed you to can make u feel fulfilled when you sense your progress in learning.
It has been so far so good though.
Although the last two weeks I was so stress that I even consider that maybe I should not stay ==
Comparatively this week quite slack as we have tried our best doing everything we could last week, which make it lesser things to be followed up this week.
I like it when you feel that u work hard and they give u some slack time to compensate the hard work you put in previously. So that you can relax, rest, recuperate and continue with the war the following week.
But seem like peak is going to come. A bit nervous.
Hopefully everything will be fine and I can survive it.
All the best to fei and rain who are looking for a job.
To those in audit line who is struggling with the coming peak.
To those in finance line who is struggling and trying their best also.
To the one being promoted to senior professional within three months time and need to handle a lot of stress.
To the one doing sales, need to promote her products and maybe promote herself.
To others who is trying as hard as they can to improve current situation.
To the one who fighted to live, and who now recuperating and recovering.
All the best to everyone. Hopefully we are doing well in what we are doing now.


ciao.

It is 30 September 2010

It is 30 September 2010, which signifies that I have been working for officially one month.


I have also received the FIRST month pay for my FIRST ever permanent job. The feeling of looking at the figure that they have banked in to my bank account is awesome, especially when I tried to convert it to ringgit just for fun. Haha. However the strange thing is that the excitement doesn’t last long, maybe one day, or 2 days, the most, 3 days, and I am wondering why.

It is supposed to be my dream job (I know it sounds a bit weird that my dream job is a no-life account-related job), but I think due to the internship experiences I have set my expectation too high before I joined. The people, the environment, the interaction between colleagues, the job schedule, the on job experience, I know even though I have told myself that this is gonna to be so different with last time, I still have all that in my memories, reminding how happy I was when I did my internship. This is bad though; because permanent job and internship should be two completely different job, be it the responsibilities or the rewards that they offer.

I guess I am still in acclimatizing stage. Although it can be seen that a lot of people have gone through this and happily engrossed in their work, I am really still in the first stage. But I am used to being slower than others, so I am ok with it. Just that, sometime, the uncertainties is really killing me. Where would I go? Which senior would I follow? How long will I stay here without doing anything? Will the doing-nothing-period affect my performance and how people think of me? Will I get scolded for being slow and inexperienced because while everyone is on job-ing I was goyang kaki? I know I have been thinking too much. But the free time aggravate the uncertainties that I have been feeling. And it has reached a stage that I just wish today is Friday and Sunday never ends; or a point that I have I can fast-forward the time so that I will know what will I be doing in the next month.

I know it shouldn’t be considered tough; I am more blessed than those who are struggling before they can even get what they want. I am fortunate enough to be here, to whimper on having nothing to do. I think I shall stop here before I start talking nonsense. Haha.

Will come back soon. Hopefully. To give some updates.

1/2000

Trying to catch up using all the strength I can


But all the uncertainties are still killing me.

I hope things will get better and future seems clearer soon.

I hope I can survive within this talent pool and I will be grateful just by being the 1/2000.

When you are gone #1

I would say the most important person that I know during this 3 years is you - PHOONG! haha
Knowing you is my blessing and I will never never forget you unless some worms go into my brain and eats up all the memory.

You are one of the first person I met in Taylor's.
I remembered Rain recognized me in the toilet, and since she was with you and yin yee, she introduced both of you to me and four of us sat at the first few row of the left hand side of lecture hall that lecturer can always see our expression so clearly!
Since then the thought-to-be-lonely-throughout-my-degree-life me have companions all the time especially during lectures.
I remember I really enjoyed sitting at that row a lot and I continued to sit with you and yin yee when it was possible. Although at that time you kept a long curly hair, but your behaviour is like someone younger than us (which is a good thing) hahaha and you were so cute.

Forgot since which semester we had become close. I remember your brother worked at H20 and we always eat at there, before madam joyce moved to opposite.
I remembered I enjoyed every moment that I have been with you because it is so comfortable and sometimes I feel that you always agreed with me (maybe you purposely do that to make me happy and you did it! haha). I like the support you have given throughout the 3 years. When there was no one listen to me, when I was down, when I was lonely, stress, sad, you were there for me.
And because of your influence I have fall in love with bubble tea also! if I have diabetes then it will be your fault. haha.
You were the first person I trust in the degree life (fastly feel honoured, haha) and I was not afraid to tell you what I think because I know you will not judge me. The feeling of having such a friend that would not judge me really brightened up my life.
Although I was still emo-emo, but you made the emo-emo becomes emo! and most of the time with you I was really happy. haha

And because of your kindness, I made a one of my bravest move in my life. I moved in together with you although most of the people said living together might affect friendship. At that time I just had faith in you and our friendship and eventually I think it really made us closer (or actually you hated me since then? haha)

I remember you helped me pack madam joyce's dinner after you worked at H20. And I always lazy to go out so make u carry all the food back yourself but you still did that for me *love u so much*
I remember we did not know what to eat and suddenly feel like eating burger shop so we went all the way to asia cafe there even though it was really damn far.

I remember eating nice pizza at Asia Cafe with you coz you have a craving for PIZZA and pizzahut and canadian pizza din look nice enough to attract so we were adventurous and tried the pizza.
I remember chatting with you while I cannot sleep.

I remember you playing your computer all the time, facebook, the game that plant and harvest dont-know-wat.
I remember you slept most of the time ==
and you cut fruits for me! omgggggggggggggggg even better than my mum. haha I remember one time u cut dragonfruits for me and put it in a tupperware! omgggg. haha
And I remember the look of you coming out from toilet holding that thing, upset and depressed and I die die want you to go watson to buy a more expensive one but you were so reluctant. and eventually we still went to buy and the results were the same! == sorry for wasting your money.
I remember you don't like passion fruit coz it was too sour and you bought a box of yogurt to mix with it and it really tasted better.

I remember you enjoyed decorating the present box for yin yee, which was to cut those colourful paper into small strips and curl it. I remember you really enjoyed it while I din. haha
There were so much memories with you when we stayed together. so much so that I really need to find one day that I have the mood the be emotional and to think back so that I can write this post to you.

I remember we enjoyed shopping with each other. I always helped you calculate whether the things is worthy to buy or not and u seemed appreciate it. And I also learnt a lot from how you choose clothes.

And I remember you took bus all the way from KL to JB to find me just becoz you are bored.
I really admire your courage and the impulse that you did things. Impulse in a good way because that make you brave.
I really enjoyed a lot spending time with you, sms you, shop with you, talk to you, and everything with you! haha  even though sometime you were so blur that I feel like smacking u! *smack*

Some pictures I grabbed from my old phone.

The egg tarts that you made for us!

We did stupid things together. Saying that we write HD on our hand then we can get HD. haha

You and starbucks coffee. I think in Genting. haha

The first time I went to Ikea! with you! haha we ate ice-cream and the sausage bread! 

Fei fei amos biscuit! can you make somemore for me? haha

We went to watch MAYDAY concert together! haha

Tira I miss you. damn nice tiramisu made by you! I hope I can eat it again. I think I can finish the whole bowl =)

There are some pictures still in my old phone that I din transfer. see if I am free then I transfer and upload some more photos that represents our memories =)

Thank you for coming into my life, and Best Friend Forever! =)

What should I do

What should I do, to walk this path alone without you all?

It comes to a point

At times, it comes to a point that you want to do something that nobody is supporting you.
You collect the information, you analyse, and you feel like following your instinct and just want to make up your mind.
But the noise besides you, the advice that people give you are all go against what you plan to do.
It comes to this point that you are in a dilemma.
You wonder whether what you are going to do is right or not.
There was a point like that, three years ago.
When I received my offer letter from NUS and my scholarships from Taylor's.
It was almost like a landslide support to NUS.
But I made a choice that went against everyone's will when I chose Taylor's.
That was the point that I was afraid of making a wrong decision.
And I was scared until now.
Life is difficult.
Especially when you need to make a decision that will affect your future.
You need to live with it, have faith in it, and grow from it.
You need to be confident that you made the RIGHT choice despite everyone's disapproval.
You need to walk straight, with your head up and proud of yourself.
It is difficult to have faith in yourself.
But if we can't even believe in ourselves, we will never be nearer to the point that we succeed.
Faith and confidence, are the most important components in life that helps u overcome challenges and move on even after you fail.

=)

I know that all those efforts will not go vain.
It is a good start.
And I know good lucks are coming.
They definitely are.
And I am going to work harder and harder to get my dream come true =)

I know I am lucky =)

I received my first call from Big 4 Singapore!!!!
For all the application I have submitted, this is the first call I have received!
The HR - Karen told me that she is currently reviewing my application and they have vacancy in Assurance Line - Small and Medium Enterprise.
They asked me when will I get my results and whether I have prior full-time experience.
Apparently two internship experience is not enough for them, they require at least some full time audit experience.
She also said that she will forward my application to the respective department and will notify me if I am shortlisted for any interview.
Although I have not received any call to ask me to go for interview and it seems like they want someone with experience, I am satisfied with this call and it keeps me hopeful!
I can feel that it is a good start and good luck starts to come! =)
And I would like to pay my tribute to Taylor's Career Service - Ms Alicia Ching for helping me to send my application to Big 4 Singapore.
I have personally applied some positions on my own but so far no reply from all of them yet.
But those companies replied for the position I have applied via our Career Service.
So seem like it is a more effective mean to apply job.
Thanks to her, this call made my day =)
I am happy and hopeful. I guess this call can keep me going to wait for further calls from the same or other companies without losing hope.
Today is a good day =)

Fate

Actually everything is fated.
We don't actually need to worry about our next step because what you are going to do, what you are going to achieve is predetermined.
You might stumble but the next thing you know, you have already stood up and recovered from the light injury.
It is an amazing feeling when u reminisce. The things you had gone through, the process has become clear.
You might have complaint a little about the rugged and bumpy road. But at the end you realised that is just something in the process, not the outcome.
The outcome is always satisfying, always good.
Maybe failure in one thing would not lead to success in the another thing.
But when the failures add up, experiences are gained, it lead to one success.
Which mean the number of failures will not necessary commensurate to the number of success.
It will definitely be higher than the number of success because we need to go through a lot of things before we taste the sweetness of it.
It is such a mixed feeling leaving here, seeing what I have been through, and now, watching my happy ending.
It is actually fated to be a happy ending no matter what have happened in between.
So why don't we have the faith, try our best in everything, embrace the failures and wait for the success to come?  =)
Thanks to those who have lend me their hands, lead me through all those obstacles so that I can have faith in myself.
And thanks to those who made me suffer, you make me grow.
This time around, I know I can do it no matter what happen.
Bad things are just the components.
Good things are the outcome.

The end is the beginning

That is when I start realising when a friendship ended, it will never resume again.
And the only thing you can do is to start another friendship/friendships with some new people.
That's it. End of the story.

Don't give up

The fish I know is not going to give up so easily.
So no matter what happens next, hold on to what you want and believe that you can do it.

The last paper

After 1 super torturing and 3 extremely challenging papers, here we are, the last final exam paper - BIS.
I would say as a first-year subject, it is not easy and we don't have the memory of what we learnt for the whole semester. haha
Anyway, 5 days more to go and all these will finish and I officially... graduate.
It is a mixed feeling that I want to go back to JB so much but I don't feel like leaving here forever.
As in, I won't be coming back to Subang to live anymore. The most I will do is coming back for holiday, to find Aaron Loo, Bak Jit Chang, Cheng Mun Teng, Tan Yi Qian, Abigail Soh and any other people who work here.
Haih. I don't really like the parting at the end of every three years.
I hope there is some ending here so that we can wrap up the memory of this three years, from TBS to Backside campus.
I would say three-year is long.
It is long enough for us to complete a degree, to grow to a more mature woman/man, to master something and to establish a very deep friendship.
I came here with the thoughts that I might spend the three-year alone, yet I was so fortunate that I met a bunch of amazing people.
Although we are all from different background, but somehow we are still loving this group so much.
I would say I really learnt a lot of them, as in, really a lot.
I used to be described as someone who only know stuff in textbook, and other than that, I am Noob.
But there is no one saying that to me in here.
I mean I know that that description is a joke, but without people constantly telling me that, my confidence level really increase quite a lot.
Some of the people here always encourage me, ask me to overcome my fear to do what I supposed to do.
I.....I really appreciate that although most of the time I still act like a coward.
But with them, I know what is the thing I am supposed to do because it is RIGHT so I can't run away from it.
There are so much to say about the three-year in here.
I would say I love it and hate it at the same time.
Love it when I learnt to be independent, to mix with new friends, to overcome one and one challenges that I am forced to do so
Hate it when I miss home, feel lonely, no tv, need to go da pao and need to learn to face everything on my own
Anyway, I shouldn't be writing such an emotional post early in the morning, when I just woke up and not even had my breakfast yet. haha
Good luck to everyone who is taking BIS, and for those who are taking IMT and BMPP also AND FOR BAK, GOOD LUCK FOR UR AUDIT! GET A HD FOR US! =)
Fei +u you can fight BMPP one right? and remember to find me always coz I really miss u! =)

AINO!!!!!!!

I am back from Pekan Nenas, with something special added to my life.
It is one of the things in the list of "dream comes true" in this year.
It is prefect and its presence did brighten up my mood a lot more and make me feel blessed.
The package doesn't contain a lot of things, but what is included definitely gave me some surprises.
It comes with a dock stand to support the 110g luminous white body and the bluetooth handsfree for charging, a USB cable that link to the com, long-lasting battery, and a 8GB memory card.
3 inches screen comes with the touch screen function for entertainment function, while key pad is available for use for basic functions.
Wi-fi, GPS, and a lot more function that I haven't discover yet.
It might not be as good as pda phone such as Iphone, but it is definitely the perfect phone for me given its price.
I love the handsfree most. It is definitely a smart gadget with pretty appearance! I like the light so much! hahah
No picture is uploaded as my old phone was taken for repair.
But real phone will be available for you to play if u meet me in person. wohooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
I am happy and satisfied =)

Your happiness = My happiness =)

My mille crepe cake and Lancaster dessert wine have received good responses from my family and cousin's family. haha
Happy happy =) my efforts do not go vain.
I know I still can't do much and contribute to this family, but I am doing as much as I can.
And I am really happy no matter how trivial the happiness I can bring to them.
Sedikit sedikit lama lama jadi bukit =)
I will do more and more.
Hopefully I can get a good job and high income so that I can let them to try more new stuff and experience this world.
It is time to take the responsibility to support them and bring them happiness as much as I can. =)

Closer or stranger?

When time goes by, it is either we become closer, or we reach a point that we are just stranger to each other.

I hope it will be a prefect weekend

Placed order and paid for my Sony Ericsson Aino already.

My current W810 is really going to die coz although I keep turning it on but it insists to OFF =( 

I managed to get a bargain from my cousin so it only costs me RM1000 instead of RM1000 + in other places.
Will be getting it on Sunday =)
Hopefully it doesn't disappoint me and make my days during this exam period. =)
Pray hard for my four hardest ever subjects and my deteriorated brain.
haih. I wish I have more time and brain cells for me to remember all of them.
Btw, I ordered mille crepe cake for Father's Day celebration! haha


Hopefully it is nice and brighten up everyone's Saturday =)
A lot of things to look forward this weekend =)
Good luck to everyone & +u =)