It is 30 September 2010

It is 30 September 2010, which signifies that I have been working for officially one month.


I have also received the FIRST month pay for my FIRST ever permanent job. The feeling of looking at the figure that they have banked in to my bank account is awesome, especially when I tried to convert it to ringgit just for fun. Haha. However the strange thing is that the excitement doesn’t last long, maybe one day, or 2 days, the most, 3 days, and I am wondering why.

It is supposed to be my dream job (I know it sounds a bit weird that my dream job is a no-life account-related job), but I think due to the internship experiences I have set my expectation too high before I joined. The people, the environment, the interaction between colleagues, the job schedule, the on job experience, I know even though I have told myself that this is gonna to be so different with last time, I still have all that in my memories, reminding how happy I was when I did my internship. This is bad though; because permanent job and internship should be two completely different job, be it the responsibilities or the rewards that they offer.

I guess I am still in acclimatizing stage. Although it can be seen that a lot of people have gone through this and happily engrossed in their work, I am really still in the first stage. But I am used to being slower than others, so I am ok with it. Just that, sometime, the uncertainties is really killing me. Where would I go? Which senior would I follow? How long will I stay here without doing anything? Will the doing-nothing-period affect my performance and how people think of me? Will I get scolded for being slow and inexperienced because while everyone is on job-ing I was goyang kaki? I know I have been thinking too much. But the free time aggravate the uncertainties that I have been feeling. And it has reached a stage that I just wish today is Friday and Sunday never ends; or a point that I have I can fast-forward the time so that I will know what will I be doing in the next month.

I know it shouldn’t be considered tough; I am more blessed than those who are struggling before they can even get what they want. I am fortunate enough to be here, to whimper on having nothing to do. I think I shall stop here before I start talking nonsense. Haha.

Will come back soon. Hopefully. To give some updates.