What should you do when you feel sad, depreseed, emo about not good enough to do almost everything?
I need some encouragement.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
这种感觉,叫沮丧
每一次,在这一行都会让我觉得自己很笨. 不管是 internship 还是permanent job. 然后总是自己觉得很沮丧.
以前在实习的时候,我总会问senior, 你们怎么这么厉害,怎么能懂这么多东西
因为那时候,我用我小小的脑袋,有很多很多的东西是怎么想都想不到的
我一直很羡慕他门的聪明,也一直希望自己可以象他们一样.
Senior 总会安慰我说,你做久了也会象我们一样的.我还是用自己小小的脑袋质疑着
以前读书,只需要用功.通常只要牺牲诱惑,比别人用功一些,成绩都会不错.
以前的我,真的觉得一分耕耘,一分收获,只要愿意努力,没有做不到的事.
可是做了internship, 我才明白,可能有些东西真的是勉强不来.
往往在我觉得这一行可以让我学到很多东西而很喜欢它的时候,我总因为自己的笨而觉得自己不适合这一行.
两次的实习,一次比一次见到厉害的人多. 这次很侥幸的进到新加坡的big four,看到的每一个都是那种天生聪明的人,更是有种不可言喻的崇拜和沮丧.
有时真的做到很象放弃,就跟自己说自己真的没有他们那么厉害,做不了这份工作,可是心里的另一个声音却很希望自己是做得到的.
就这样,早回的一天,心里却挂着做不完的工作. 只希望,这次也和以前一样,比别人努力一些些,自己也能跟上他们的脚步.只希望跟上他们的脚步,就这样而已.
以前在实习的时候,我总会问senior, 你们怎么这么厉害,怎么能懂这么多东西
因为那时候,我用我小小的脑袋,有很多很多的东西是怎么想都想不到的
我一直很羡慕他门的聪明,也一直希望自己可以象他们一样.
Senior 总会安慰我说,你做久了也会象我们一样的.我还是用自己小小的脑袋质疑着
以前读书,只需要用功.通常只要牺牲诱惑,比别人用功一些,成绩都会不错.
以前的我,真的觉得一分耕耘,一分收获,只要愿意努力,没有做不到的事.
可是做了internship, 我才明白,可能有些东西真的是勉强不来.
往往在我觉得这一行可以让我学到很多东西而很喜欢它的时候,我总因为自己的笨而觉得自己不适合这一行.
两次的实习,一次比一次见到厉害的人多. 这次很侥幸的进到新加坡的big four,看到的每一个都是那种天生聪明的人,更是有种不可言喻的崇拜和沮丧.
有时真的做到很象放弃,就跟自己说自己真的没有他们那么厉害,做不了这份工作,可是心里的另一个声音却很希望自己是做得到的.
就这样,早回的一天,心里却挂着做不完的工作. 只希望,这次也和以前一样,比别人努力一些些,自己也能跟上他们的脚步.只希望跟上他们的脚步,就这样而已.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
First weekend in SG
This is the first weekend that I stayed in SG, for no real purpose. haha.
Last time I stayed once because of Amazing Race and A1s outings.
This time, is due to .... no passport. haha.
k le I am going to Indonesia, specifically north Sumatra, Medan from 20 Dec to 6 Jan.
Thats why my passport is with Indonesia Embassy, in the process of applying visa.
Today I slept until 9am, woke up, watch gossip girls until 2pm.
Had lunch, visited KIEN GIAP at 4pm.
yea I visited Kien Giap. wahhahaha.
it is my honour to be in Singapore and managed to find an old friend in here!
Some more he stays super near to me, walking distance, 1km, around 10 to 15 minutes walk.
Great to see him, and seeing him makes me realise I do miss a lot of people!
Anyway, I heard cheng mun teng is going to come to singapore with her friends.
Loo Yu Xun is going to come with xue hui and her family!
And they din tell me ==
Hope everyone is having fun and I can see them when they are here!
finish updatinggggg.
Last time I stayed once because of Amazing Race and A1s outings.
This time, is due to .... no passport. haha.
k le I am going to Indonesia, specifically north Sumatra, Medan from 20 Dec to 6 Jan.
Thats why my passport is with Indonesia Embassy, in the process of applying visa.
Today I slept until 9am, woke up, watch gossip girls until 2pm.
Had lunch, visited KIEN GIAP at 4pm.
yea I visited Kien Giap. wahhahaha.
it is my honour to be in Singapore and managed to find an old friend in here!
Some more he stays super near to me, walking distance, 1km, around 10 to 15 minutes walk.
Great to see him, and seeing him makes me realise I do miss a lot of people!
Anyway, I heard cheng mun teng is going to come to singapore with her friends.
Loo Yu Xun is going to come with xue hui and her family!
And they din tell me ==
Hope everyone is having fun and I can see them when they are here!
finish updatinggggg.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
4th month
This is the beginning of 4th mth of my work life.
Time flies isnt it?
I am still trying to catch up with their pace.
It is a bit difficult but I am trying to take one step at a time, at the same time trying my best to give what are required from me.
There were stresses, satisfactions and fulfillment in this job.
Sometime the stress will just make you wonder whether you are suitable to the job
But sometimes the things that it exposed you to can make u feel fulfilled when you sense your progress in learning.
It has been so far so good though.
Although the last two weeks I was so stress that I even consider that maybe I should not stay ==
Comparatively this week quite slack as we have tried our best doing everything we could last week, which make it lesser things to be followed up this week.
I like it when you feel that u work hard and they give u some slack time to compensate the hard work you put in previously. So that you can relax, rest, recuperate and continue with the war the following week.
But seem like peak is going to come. A bit nervous.
Hopefully everything will be fine and I can survive it.
All the best to fei and rain who are looking for a job.
To those in audit line who is struggling with the coming peak.
To those in finance line who is struggling and trying their best also.
To the one being promoted to senior professional within three months time and need to handle a lot of stress.
To the one doing sales, need to promote her products and maybe promote herself.
To others who is trying as hard as they can to improve current situation.
To the one who fighted to live, and who now recuperating and recovering.
All the best to everyone. Hopefully we are doing well in what we are doing now.
ciao.
Time flies isnt it?
I am still trying to catch up with their pace.
It is a bit difficult but I am trying to take one step at a time, at the same time trying my best to give what are required from me.
There were stresses, satisfactions and fulfillment in this job.
Sometime the stress will just make you wonder whether you are suitable to the job
But sometimes the things that it exposed you to can make u feel fulfilled when you sense your progress in learning.
It has been so far so good though.
Although the last two weeks I was so stress that I even consider that maybe I should not stay ==
Comparatively this week quite slack as we have tried our best doing everything we could last week, which make it lesser things to be followed up this week.
I like it when you feel that u work hard and they give u some slack time to compensate the hard work you put in previously. So that you can relax, rest, recuperate and continue with the war the following week.
But seem like peak is going to come. A bit nervous.
Hopefully everything will be fine and I can survive it.
All the best to fei and rain who are looking for a job.
To those in audit line who is struggling with the coming peak.
To those in finance line who is struggling and trying their best also.
To the one being promoted to senior professional within three months time and need to handle a lot of stress.
To the one doing sales, need to promote her products and maybe promote herself.
To others who is trying as hard as they can to improve current situation.
To the one who fighted to live, and who now recuperating and recovering.
All the best to everyone. Hopefully we are doing well in what we are doing now.
ciao.
Friday, October 1, 2010
It is 30 September 2010
It is 30 September 2010, which signifies that I have been working for officially one month.
I have also received the FIRST month pay for my FIRST ever permanent job. The feeling of looking at the figure that they have banked in to my bank account is awesome, especially when I tried to convert it to ringgit just for fun. Haha. However the strange thing is that the excitement doesn’t last long, maybe one day, or 2 days, the most, 3 days, and I am wondering why.
It is supposed to be my dream job (I know it sounds a bit weird that my dream job is a no-life account-related job), but I think due to the internship experiences I have set my expectation too high before I joined. The people, the environment, the interaction between colleagues, the job schedule, the on job experience, I know even though I have told myself that this is gonna to be so different with last time, I still have all that in my memories, reminding how happy I was when I did my internship. This is bad though; because permanent job and internship should be two completely different job, be it the responsibilities or the rewards that they offer.
I guess I am still in acclimatizing stage. Although it can be seen that a lot of people have gone through this and happily engrossed in their work, I am really still in the first stage. But I am used to being slower than others, so I am ok with it. Just that, sometime, the uncertainties is really killing me. Where would I go? Which senior would I follow? How long will I stay here without doing anything? Will the doing-nothing-period affect my performance and how people think of me? Will I get scolded for being slow and inexperienced because while everyone is on job-ing I was goyang kaki? I know I have been thinking too much. But the free time aggravate the uncertainties that I have been feeling. And it has reached a stage that I just wish today is Friday and Sunday never ends; or a point that I have I can fast-forward the time so that I will know what will I be doing in the next month.
I know it shouldn’t be considered tough; I am more blessed than those who are struggling before they can even get what they want. I am fortunate enough to be here, to whimper on having nothing to do. I think I shall stop here before I start talking nonsense. Haha.
Will come back soon. Hopefully. To give some updates.
I have also received the FIRST month pay for my FIRST ever permanent job. The feeling of looking at the figure that they have banked in to my bank account is awesome, especially when I tried to convert it to ringgit just for fun. Haha. However the strange thing is that the excitement doesn’t last long, maybe one day, or 2 days, the most, 3 days, and I am wondering why.
It is supposed to be my dream job (I know it sounds a bit weird that my dream job is a no-life account-related job), but I think due to the internship experiences I have set my expectation too high before I joined. The people, the environment, the interaction between colleagues, the job schedule, the on job experience, I know even though I have told myself that this is gonna to be so different with last time, I still have all that in my memories, reminding how happy I was when I did my internship. This is bad though; because permanent job and internship should be two completely different job, be it the responsibilities or the rewards that they offer.
I guess I am still in acclimatizing stage. Although it can be seen that a lot of people have gone through this and happily engrossed in their work, I am really still in the first stage. But I am used to being slower than others, so I am ok with it. Just that, sometime, the uncertainties is really killing me. Where would I go? Which senior would I follow? How long will I stay here without doing anything? Will the doing-nothing-period affect my performance and how people think of me? Will I get scolded for being slow and inexperienced because while everyone is on job-ing I was goyang kaki? I know I have been thinking too much. But the free time aggravate the uncertainties that I have been feeling. And it has reached a stage that I just wish today is Friday and Sunday never ends; or a point that I have I can fast-forward the time so that I will know what will I be doing in the next month.
I know it shouldn’t be considered tough; I am more blessed than those who are struggling before they can even get what they want. I am fortunate enough to be here, to whimper on having nothing to do. I think I shall stop here before I start talking nonsense. Haha.
Will come back soon. Hopefully. To give some updates.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
1/2000
Trying to catch up using all the strength I can
But all the uncertainties are still killing me.
I hope things will get better and future seems clearer soon.
I hope I can survive within this talent pool and I will be grateful just by being the 1/2000.
But all the uncertainties are still killing me.
I hope things will get better and future seems clearer soon.
I hope I can survive within this talent pool and I will be grateful just by being the 1/2000.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
When you are gone #1
I would say the most important person that I know during this 3 years is you - PHOONG! haha
Knowing you is my blessing and I will never never forget you unless some worms go into my brain and eats up all the memory.
You are one of the first person I met in Taylor's.
I remembered Rain recognized me in the toilet, and since she was with you and yin yee, she introduced both of you to me and four of us sat at the first few row of the left hand side of lecture hall that lecturer can always see our expression so clearly!
Since then the thought-to-be-lonely-throughout-my-degree-life me have companions all the time especially during lectures.
I remember I really enjoyed sitting at that row a lot and I continued to sit with you and yin yee when it was possible. Although at that time you kept a long curly hair, but your behaviour is like someone younger than us (which is a good thing) hahaha and you were so cute.
Forgot since which semester we had become close. I remember your brother worked at H20 and we always eat at there, before madam joyce moved to opposite.
I remembered I enjoyed every moment that I have been with you because it is so comfortable and sometimes I feel that you always agreed with me (maybe you purposely do that to make me happy and you did it! haha). I like the support you have given throughout the 3 years. When there was no one listen to me, when I was down, when I was lonely, stress, sad, you were there for me.
And because of your influence I have fall in love with bubble tea also! if I have diabetes then it will be your fault. haha.
You were the first person I trust in the degree life (fastly feel honoured, haha) and I was not afraid to tell you what I think because I know you will not judge me. The feeling of having such a friend that would not judge me really brightened up my life.
Although I was still emo-emo, but you made the emo-emo becomes emo! and most of the time with you I was really happy. haha
And because of your kindness, I made a one of my bravest move in my life. I moved in together with you although most of the people said living together might affect friendship. At that time I just had faith in you and our friendship and eventually I think it really made us closer (or actually you hated me since then? haha)
I remember you helped me pack madam joyce's dinner after you worked at H20. And I always lazy to go out so make u carry all the food back yourself but you still did that for me *love u so much*
I remember we did not know what to eat and suddenly feel like eating burger shop so we went all the way to asia cafe there even though it was really damn far.
I remember eating nice pizza at Asia Cafe with you coz you have a craving for PIZZA and pizzahut and canadian pizza din look nice enough to attract so we were adventurous and tried the pizza.
I remember chatting with you while I cannot sleep.
I remember you playing your computer all the time, facebook, the game that plant and harvest dont-know-wat.
I remember you slept most of the time ==
and you cut fruits for me! omgggggggggggggggg even better than my mum. haha I remember one time u cut dragonfruits for me and put it in a tupperware! omgggg. haha
And I remember the look of you coming out from toilet holding that thing, upset and depressed and I die die want you to go watson to buy a more expensive one but you were so reluctant. and eventually we still went to buy and the results were the same! == sorry for wasting your money.
I remember you don't like passion fruit coz it was too sour and you bought a box of yogurt to mix with it and it really tasted better.
I remember you enjoyed decorating the present box for yin yee, which was to cut those colourful paper into small strips and curl it. I remember you really enjoyed it while I din. haha
There were so much memories with you when we stayed together. so much so that I really need to find one day that I have the mood the be emotional and to think back so that I can write this post to you.
I remember we enjoyed shopping with each other. I always helped you calculate whether the things is worthy to buy or not and u seemed appreciate it. And I also learnt a lot from how you choose clothes.
And I remember you took bus all the way from KL to JB to find me just becoz you are bored.
I really admire your courage and the impulse that you did things. Impulse in a good way because that make you brave.
I really enjoyed a lot spending time with you, sms you, shop with you, talk to you, and everything with you! haha even though sometime you were so blur that I feel like smacking u! *smack*
Some pictures I grabbed from my old phone.
Knowing you is my blessing and I will never never forget you unless some worms go into my brain and eats up all the memory.
You are one of the first person I met in Taylor's.
I remembered Rain recognized me in the toilet, and since she was with you and yin yee, she introduced both of you to me and four of us sat at the first few row of the left hand side of lecture hall that lecturer can always see our expression so clearly!
Since then the thought-to-be-lonely-throughout-my-degree-life me have companions all the time especially during lectures.
I remember I really enjoyed sitting at that row a lot and I continued to sit with you and yin yee when it was possible. Although at that time you kept a long curly hair, but your behaviour is like someone younger than us (which is a good thing) hahaha and you were so cute.
Forgot since which semester we had become close. I remember your brother worked at H20 and we always eat at there, before madam joyce moved to opposite.
I remembered I enjoyed every moment that I have been with you because it is so comfortable and sometimes I feel that you always agreed with me (maybe you purposely do that to make me happy and you did it! haha). I like the support you have given throughout the 3 years. When there was no one listen to me, when I was down, when I was lonely, stress, sad, you were there for me.
And because of your influence I have fall in love with bubble tea also! if I have diabetes then it will be your fault. haha.
You were the first person I trust in the degree life (fastly feel honoured, haha) and I was not afraid to tell you what I think because I know you will not judge me. The feeling of having such a friend that would not judge me really brightened up my life.
Although I was still emo-emo, but you made the emo-emo becomes emo! and most of the time with you I was really happy. haha
And because of your kindness, I made a one of my bravest move in my life. I moved in together with you although most of the people said living together might affect friendship. At that time I just had faith in you and our friendship and eventually I think it really made us closer (or actually you hated me since then? haha)
I remember we did not know what to eat and suddenly feel like eating burger shop so we went all the way to asia cafe there even though it was really damn far.
I remember chatting with you while I cannot sleep.
I remember you slept most of the time ==
and you cut fruits for me! omgggggggggggggggg even better than my mum. haha I remember one time u cut dragonfruits for me and put it in a tupperware! omgggg. haha
And I remember the look of you coming out from toilet holding that thing, upset and depressed and I die die want you to go watson to buy a more expensive one but you were so reluctant. and eventually we still went to buy and the results were the same! == sorry for wasting your money.
I remember you don't like passion fruit coz it was too sour and you bought a box of yogurt to mix with it and it really tasted better.
There were so much memories with you when we stayed together. so much so that I really need to find one day that I have the mood the be emotional and to think back so that I can write this post to you.
I remember we enjoyed shopping with each other. I always helped you calculate whether the things is worthy to buy or not and u seemed appreciate it. And I also learnt a lot from how you choose clothes.
I really admire your courage and the impulse that you did things. Impulse in a good way because that make you brave.
I really enjoyed a lot spending time with you, sms you, shop with you, talk to you, and everything with you! haha even though sometime you were so blur that I feel like smacking u! *smack*
Some pictures I grabbed from my old phone.
The egg tarts that you made for us!
We did stupid things together. Saying that we write HD on our hand then we can get HD. haha
You and starbucks coffee. I think in Genting. haha
The first time I went to Ikea! with you! haha we ate ice-cream and the sausage bread!
Fei fei amos biscuit! can you make somemore for me? haha
We went to watch MAYDAY concert together! haha
Tira I miss you. damn nice tiramisu made by you! I hope I can eat it again. I think I can finish the whole bowl =)
There are some pictures still in my old phone that I din transfer. see if I am free then I transfer and upload some more photos that represents our memories =)
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